Owning our Power

TL;DR: The idea that "no one is coming to save us" can feel tough to swallow. However, this realization can be empowering—it reminds us that we’re capable of taking charge of our lives and that seeking support along the way is an important part of the journey. With the right mindset and support systems, we can learn to stand strong and save ourselves.

Owning Our Power: Learning to Save Ourselves

Life can sometimes feel overwhelming-  and it is completely understandable if you find yourself wanting someone to swoop in and fix things when it all feels like too much. (Que White Horse by Taylor Swift). The hard truth is, no one is coming to “save us.” And let me clarify, yes, it is important, or I would argue vital to ask for help- having a community is essential for not only survival but to thrive, AND we have the strength within ourselves to make changes, build resilience, and find support that helps us rise to life’s challenges.

While this realization can be painful, it’s also a call to recognize our power. It’s a reminder that learning to save ourselves doesn’t mean doing it alone or rejecting the help of others; it means being willing to step up for ourselves in meaningful ways. We don’t need someone else to “fix” us—we have what it takes to build the life we want. Let’s explore why self-reliance is empowering and how support still plays an essential role in the journey.

Why the Idea of “Saving Ourselves” Matters

When we rely too much on others to “rescue” us, we can start to believe that we’re incapable of doing hard things on our own (note to parents and those in caregiver roles: this can also be the outcome of when helping hurts). A cycle can be created where we don’t fully trust ourselves when things get hard- only believing we can get through it with the hand-holding of a caregiver. However, when we embrace the idea that we’re responsible for our own lives, we unlock a powerful sense of agency.

Owning our ability to save ourselves is about understanding that we have inner resources—strength, resilience, creativity, hope, and determination. It’s not that we don’t need help along the way, but rather that we’re not passively waiting for someone else to make things better. For example, let’s say you are overwhelmed with finals week at school. Waiting for someone to “save you” might feel like waiting until you meet with your professor, tutor, or study buddy before you open your notes (with the belief you could not accomplish impactful change on your own).  Asking for help while also taking responsibility would look like organizing your notes ahead of time, making a study guide, and having a list of questions ready before meeting with your professor.

We are the authors of our own lives, and every challenge is an opportunity to learn, grow, and build confidence in our intrinsic ability to navigate life.

Building Your Own Path with Support Along the Way

While we’re responsible for our lives, this doesn’t mean we can’t lean on others. In fact, creating a network of support is a key part of the journey. Here’s how we can balance saving ourselves with embracing support from those around us:

1. Recognize Your Strengths and Limitations

Start by taking stock of what you’re good at and where you need support. Maybe you’re great at problem-solving but struggle with emotional regulation. Or perhaps you’re very empathetic but need help setting boundaries. Knowing where you shine and where you need help allows you to make decisions about when to ask for support and when to stand on your own.

2. Ask for Help Without Expecting a Rescue

It’s perfectly okay to ask for help. In fact, reaching out is often a form of self-rescue because it shows you’re willing to advocate for what you need! However, the difference is in the expectation—seek help as a way to gain perspective, gather resources, or feel supported, and remember that the responsibility of change lies within you. Therapists, mentors, friends, and family can provide guidance, but they cannot do the work for you.

3. Cultivate Daily Practices of Self-Compassion and Resilience

Part of saving yourself involves small, daily actions that reinforce resilience and self-compassion. These are practices that, over time, build a foundation of trust in yourself. For example, regular self-care routines, journaling to process emotions, or practicing gratitude can help you stay connected to your inner strength and recognize that you have the power to face challenges. These practices help you develop an unshakable foundation, so when difficulties arise, you have tools to lean on.

4. Trust Your Ability to Solve Problems

Remind yourself that you’ve already faced hard things and found a way through. Life’s challenges can sometimes make us feel as though we’re not equipped to handle them. However, your history is full of moments when you found solutions, persevered, or learned something valuable. Trusting your ability to problem-solve is a crucial part of learning to save yourself. It’s about knowing that, even if the road is bumpy, you have the tools to navigate it.

5. Hold Space for Both Self-Reliance and Connection

Sometimes, saving ourselves means understanding that we’re not as alone as we feel. Finding connection in shared experiences, whether through friends, support groups, or communities, reminds us that our struggles are part of the human experience. Self-reliance doesn’t mean we don’t need anyone; it means we know how to hold ourselves up and reach out when we need the perspective or comfort of others. These connections can remind us of our worth and ground us in the reality that we’re capable of resilience, even if it feels hard.

Reframing the Journey

Believing in our ability to save ourselves shifts our perspective on struggles. Instead of seeing difficulties as obstacles that prevent us from being happy or fulfilled, we start to see them as growth opportunities. Every challenge becomes a step forward, a way to build resilience, and a chance to see ourselves more clearly.

When we stop expecting someone to come and make it all better, we can focus on the choices and actions that are within our control. This doesn’t mean we won’t ever feel vulnerable or need reassurance; it simply means we’re approaching life with an understanding that we’re capable of finding a way through.

Final Thoughts

The idea that “no one is coming to save us” doesn’t have to be a harsh reality. It can be an empowering reminder that we hold the reins to our own lives. By trusting our inner strength and building supportive relationships, we learn that saving ourselves isn’t about going it alone. It’s about recognizing our own resilience and welcoming the support that encourages us to grow.

With each step forward, we’re reminded that while life will bring challenges, we are equipped to meet them with strength, courage, and a supportive network by our side.

References:

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. Bantam.