Supporting Your Child Through Life Transitions
Ahhh back to school. The leaves are starting to turn (but not yet), and there’s that familiar chill in the air (except not because it’s Nashville and still 100 degrees) … all signaling change. This time of year always gets me reflecting on transitions and the anxiety they can bring. As a therapist working with young adults and teenagers, I’ve seen firsthand how challenging life changes can be. From starting a new school to heading off to college or stepping into the workforce, these transitions are monumental. Here’s how we can support our kids through these shifts.
Acknowledge Their Emotions
One of the most powerful things we can do as parents is to acknowledge our children’s emotions. There is power in being a calm, consistent presence. When a client is anxious about starting a new school, I try to validate their feelings with a statement as simple as, “It makes sense you’re feeling anxious because this is all new, and you don’t know what to expect yet.” It can be as simple as using this template: “It makes sense you are feeling [feeling], because [reason], because [reason], because [reason].” Remember, validating emotions isn’t about agreeing with their fears but acknowledging the truth in their feelings.
Create a Supportive Environment
At home, start routines early to ease transitions. I suggest setting realistic bedtimes, choosing clothes the night before, and packing lunches together before even school starts. This routine isn’t just about efficiency; it’s about creating a predictable environment amidst the chaos of change. If mornings are a stressful time for you too, your kids are probably picking up on that... And that is okay! Mornings can be STRESSFUL! You are human, too. Instead of trash compacting your feelings, or just saying “I’m fine” if your kid asks if you are okay, model to your kids how they can regulate their anxiety, too. Name your emotion first: “Phew, mornings make me anxious; I don’t enjoy worrying about being late.” Then model how you will regulate: “I think I need to take a minute to do some mindfulness breathing to reset.” Or, “I think I didn’t have enough time today to get everything done without feeling rushed. Tomorrow, I’ll try to wake up 10 minutes earlier than I did today.”
Stay Involved (the Appropriate Amount)
Being involved in your child’s life is essential (duh), and it’s a balancing act. I advise parents to give their children autonomy, especially if they’ve proven responsible with tasks like homework and grades. Too much involvement (ie: helicopter parting) can trigger anxiety, so it’s about finding that sweet spot. Showing support without hovering—it’s an ever-changing collaboration between the parent and the kid (read more about the psychology and theories behind this, here).
Promote Balance
Balance is key in navigating transitions. Encouraging activities they love can provide a necessary outlet. For example, if your child loves soccer, ensure they have time to practice (while considering homework and downtime, make sure this is a commitment they and your family truly have the bandwidth for). Even better, schedule in time for them to play for fun in the backyard— play without the intention of it being critiqued/judged by a coach or practice to fine-tune a skill. It’s also about promoting movement without the pressure of “exercise.” Evening walks as a family can become a time to unwind and connect.
Plan and Prepare
Preparation can alleviate a lot of anxiety. Spending a weekend to figure out your new commute, find the parking lot, and time the drive during rush hour can help diminish anticipatory anxiety for the first day. Knowing what to expect creates room for more confidence!
Also, try to plan something fun for after their first day—it can give them something to look forward to. Ask if they have anything they would prefer to do after school—the more you can involve them in the decision-making, the better. If you have an adult child going through a big transition, asking how you can check in on them after is helpful. Maybe they will like to FaceTime you afterward or they might prefer texting too. Sending an UberEats meal or some flowers can help brighten their day. Celebrating these small milestones can make a big difference.
Helpful Questions for Parents to Ask
Open-ended questions can foster connection and provide insight into their day. Here are a few I’ve found helpful:
Starting the Day:
“What are you excited about today?”
“Is there anything you’re feeling nervous about? If so, what?”
“What’s one thing you want to achieve today?”
“How can I support you today?”
After School or Work:
“What was the best part of your day?”
“Did anything happen today that made you feel proud? Tell me about it!”
“What made you feel anxious or worried today?”
“Who did you spend time with today?”
“What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”
Knowing When to Seek Help
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, anxiety persists. If you notice signs like school avoidance, difficulty getting along with family or friends, or physical symptoms like stomachaches, it might be time to consult a professional. If anxiety doesn’t improve after the first month of school, see if you can get them some additional support.
Final Thoughts
Supporting our children through life transitions is about being present, empathetic, and proactive. It’s about finding balance—between guiding them and letting them find their own way, between structure and flexibility. It’s about being there, in all the messy, beautiful moments, as they navigate their journey.
As a therapist, I’ve seen the power of these small acts of support. With love, preparation, and a little bit of patience, we can help our children face the unknown with courage and confidence.
