When Time Feels Like a Thief
Mindful Parenting Strategies for Cherishing Every Stage
TL;DR: Time can feel like a thief when raising children—one moment, they are taking their first steps, and the next, they are asserting their independence. This blog explores how parents can manage their time effectively while savoring these fleeting moments, drawing insights from renowned psychologists and parenting experts.
Ah, time—the elusive thief that sneaks up on us when we’re least expecting it. As a parent, you might find yourself wishing for a moment to catch your breath, and in the same breath, realizing just how fast your little one is growing. One day, they’re taking those wobbly first steps, and seemingly in the blink of an eye, they’re expressing opinions on what’s for dinner. It’s enough to make any parent feel like time is slipping through their fingers.
How can we, as parents, manage our time better to cherish these fleeting moments while also juggling the demands of daily life? Let’s explore some evidence-based strategies from well-known psychologists and parenting researchers.
1. Mindful Parenting
Researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in the field of mindfulness, introduced the idea of “mindful parenting” as a way to stay grounded in the present moment with your child. Mindful parenting is about being fully present—really listening, observing, and engaging with your child without distractions. This means setting down the phone, closing the laptop, and giving your child your undivided attention, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day. It’s in these moments that time slows down, allowing you to appreciate the nuances of their growth and development.
A study by Duncan, Coatsworth, and Greenberg (2009) found that parents who practiced mindful parenting reported stronger parent-child relationships and a greater ability to manage stress. When we are fully present, we notice the subtle changes in our child’s expressions, the way they tackle a new challenge, or the unique way they explain their world to us. Also, seriously no judgment at all if this feels completely unreasonable to practice. We get how busy life can be and sometimes we are operating in pure survival mode. And if you are in survival mode, we see you, you are an amazing parent, and your kiddo is beyond lucky to have you. We would suggest taking “mental pictures” (see the very wise, very academia-based, “The Office” for context) whenever you have a moment. These little snapshots add up over time— and even though it might feel silly, you are practicing a real therapy technique, gratitude. Regardless, proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself, too.
2. Embracing ‘The Good Enough’ Parenting Approach
Donald Winnicott, a renowned British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, coined the term “good enough mother” in the 1950s, emphasizing that children don’t need perfect parents—they need present, attentive, and responsive ones. This concept can be liberating for parents who feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be “perfect.” Instead of trying to do everything, focus on what really matters: connection, communication, and love.
Being “good enough” means letting go of the small stuff—like perfectly coordinated outfits, immaculately cleaned homes, and prepared lunches with all the color and shape variations (that social media leads up to believe that everyone else is doing it, and therefore, we should be, too) —and instead focusing on the simple joy of spending time together. When time feels like it’s slipping away, remember that it’s these small, imperfect moments that your child will carry with them as they grow. And let’s be honest- no one has it all together. And if it seems like they do, they are either 1. lying or 2. spending all of their time, money, and energy to make sure everyone thinks they do.
3. Finding Balance Through Time Management
Time management is not about cramming more into your day but about making deliberate choices that reflect your values. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, advises parents to create routines that allow for both structure and flexibility. A structured routine provides a sense of security for children, while flexibility allows for spontaneous moments of connection—like an impromptu dance party in the kitchen or a snuggle session during a rainstorm.
To manage time effectively, consider these practical strategies:
Prioritize Tasks: Identify what truly matters to you and your family. Is it a family dinner? Reading a bedtime story? Decide what’s non-negotiable and plan your day around these moments.
Create Buffer Time: Allow for transitions between activities. For example, give yourself extra time in the morning to get dressed and have breakfast. These simple moments can become meaningful when not rushed.
Delegate and Share Responsibilities: Don’t hesitate to ask for help—whether it’s from a partner, family member, or friend. Sharing the load can free up time for the moments that matter most.
4. Reflecting on the Passage of Time
Renowned family therapist Virginia Satir emphasized the importance of self-reflection for parents. She encouraged taking time to reflect on your experiences as a parent—both the joyful and challenging moments. Journaling or simply taking a few minutes each day to reflect can help you process the emotions that come with watching your child grow. Reflection can also help you identify what you want more of in your life. Is it more playtime with your child? More time to pursue personal interests? More rest?
By understanding what brings you joy and fulfillment, you can better allocate your time in ways that align with your values and family’s needs.
5. Creating Rituals of Connection
Researcher and family therapist Dr. Sue Johnson, known for her work in attachment theory, suggests creating “rituals of connection.” These are small but meaningful routines that build and maintain strong bonds between parents and children. It could be as simple as having a special phrase that you say before bedtime, a weekly family game night, or a tradition of making pancakes on Sunday mornings. These rituals provide a sense of continuity and security and serve as anchors amidst the rapid changes of childhood.
Johnson’s research shows that these predictable moments help children feel safe and connected, which can ease the anxieties of both parents and kids as they navigate new stages of development.
Final Thoughts
Time may feel like a thief, but with mindful intention, we can reclaim it in small, meaningful ways. Parenting is a journey of both delight and challenge—a dance between holding on and letting go. Embracing the present, letting go of perfection, managing our time effectively, reflecting on what matters, and creating lasting rituals of connection can help us savor the moments that matter most.
As Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist known for her work on conscious parenting, wisely states, “The only way to truly connect with our children is to connect with the present moment.”
So, here’s to slowing down, embracing imperfection, and cherishing the fleeting moments that make up this beautiful, chaotic journey of parenthood.
in gratitude,
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References:
Duncan, L. G., Coatsworth, J. D., & Greenberg, M. T. (2009). A model of mindful parenting: Implications for parent-child relationships and prevention research. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 12(3), 255-270.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1997). Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Hachette Books.
Markham, L. (2012). Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. Perigee Books.
Satir, V. (1983). Conjoint Family Therapy. Science and Behavior Books.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown and Company.
Tsabary, S. (2014). The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children. Namaste Publishing.
